Growing up with Italian grandparents on my mother's side of the family, I can see the truth of this statement. Preparing food for my grandmother (and even for my mother) is an expression of love. But it is important to understand that it is the fact that someone took the time to prepare a meal for you that is the expression of love - not the food itself. It was also a great expression of love to my grandmother when nieces and nephews requested her pasta when they came to visit, but it was always clear that the pasta wasn't the reason of their visit.
Celebrations and holidays were often centered around food, because it was an expression of love between our family. But these meals meant getting together and enjoying each other's company - while preparing as much as eating the meal - much more than it was about the food. No one didn't come because a certain dish wasn't going to be prepared that time.
But sometimes the feelings of love and comfort get so intertwined with the food in our minds that when we are sad or lonely we sometimes seek out to replicate those feelings through food. The problem being - food never truly measures up when it is not accompanied by the interaction. Food cannot offer you comfort or love - but it can give a sense of filling the emptiness we feel when sad or lonely. But it is shortlived and soon we need more to fill the emptiness.
I have been stuck in a loop like this. It is not easy to get out of. We know it isn't working- the emptiness is still there as the overly full feeling of the food dissipates. But we eat some more, pushing down the feelings we don't want to deal with. But with every turn on this loop the emptiness seems to get worse as we add shame and guilt to the mix because our eating has caused us to gain weight. We isolate ourselves and so we feel more lonely and we eat more not to deal with these feelings either.
Make no mistake - food is a drug.
Breaking the cycle:
It's never easy to break a cycle like this. For me it started with separating my emotions from food. It meant stopping myself before I ate and asking myself "am I actually hungry or is this feeding something else?" It was hit or miss at first. My ability to recognize true hunger had become hazy. I rejoined WW knowing it would give me the tools to be more mindful about my eating. Tracking helps me stop myself and consider if I am really hungry and to evaluate my choices. The first week was terrible. I went over my alotted points, but I was tracking truthfully and was able to see how much I was truly consuming.** I needed this again. I needed the structure of tracking to help me reign in my mindless and emotional eating and to remind me of proper portion sizes.
My next step was truly considering what I was eating. The saying "You are what you eat" really rings true to me. When I choose to eat healthy and vibrant foods, I feel healthy and vibrant. I am not preaching vegan or raw vegan eating (but if that is your thing morepower to ya). I have done the types of diets that are restrictive and they are just not sustainable for me.
So, I play by the 80/20 rule over any given week. That means healthy vibrant a minimum of 80% of the time and the other 20% is for indulging when I want to. Sometimes I am 100% healthy and vibrant and it is my choice to be, but I do give myself permission to have whatever I want 20% of the time. For example when I visit my friend in Upstate New York. We ALWAYS have - amazing pizza and wings the first night. So, when I go I plan for that. The rest of the weekend there are some other indulgences, but I stick to water and coffee instead of soda. I also don't indulge at every meal while I am away. Then on my way there and back I eat as healthy as possible, often bringing my own snacks for the road. It's all about balance.
That is not to say I don't have "cravings" more often and even in my 100% weeks. But now I take the time to think - I also do not give in immediately. Sometimes these things are a kind of passing nostalgia, and within a few hours or even minutes the desire has passed. I also tend to indulge on the weekend - part of the structure of my 80/20. This means I often have a few days to really decide if I truly want whatever I am craving.
Informed is better.
Before I choose to indulge in something I will look at the label if there is one and consider the amount of sugar, fat and/or salt or I will look it up in my WW app and see how many points it is. This is allows me to make an informed decision. "Is this something I truly want?" "How did this food or type of food make me feel last time?" "Is it worth the points?" "Is there a smaller serving size?" Can I cut down the serving size?" or "Can I share with someone?" Many times I will decide things are just not worth it. Or I will share a dessert with someone instead of each getting one. And often I just cut down the serving size. Like when I wanted to try a new flavor of Lays potato chips (cheesy garlic bread) I checked the points on the WW app (11pts for the small bag in case anyone was wondering) then figured out how many grams of chips would be 1pt (9g again if anyone is wondering) and I weighed them out (pleasantly surprised to find it was about 5 chips) I then gave the rest of the bag to my daughter and her friend to share. And you know what? I ate those 5 chips and found them salty and nothing to rave about. I didn't want more and I had satisfied my curiosity.
Let me finish up with this thought. Life is short, be healthy but don't forget to stop and enjoy the good things, too. My personal rules about food are:
🍍Make the best choices I can in any given situation.
🥠If someone offers me a bite of something - if it's something I like - I am going to take it.
🍰If I really want carrot cake for lunch on a Saturday - I'm having carrot cake. (Besides, it has all the food groups so it is obviously healthy! 😜)
Remember, moderation is key!
**To be clear, Weight Watchers is far from restrictive nowadays. You can eat whatever you want. You are encouraged to eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and specified lean proteins that are "free" and are alotted daily points for foods outside these (carbs, other proteins, fats, oils and dairy). You are also given an allotment of weekly points to pad out your days and week as you see fit. It is a framework to help with healthier eating.
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