Maybe being single isn't so bad afterall....

So, I've been single a while. Maybe not 84 years, mind you, but a while... The truth is, most days I'm okay with that. Working full time and being a single mother don't leave a lot of time left over for me and I'm selfishly possessive of my me time. I still haven't found anyone that has me wanting to sacrifice my "me time". Do I miss having someone to snuggle with on the couch and watch a movie or "Netflix and chill" with? Sure, that is one of the major things I miss and sometimes I get lonely, but for the most part I am happy on my own. 

People don't always get that. They tell me I should get back out there like there is something wrong with being single....

Over the years (yeah years), I've been on two official dates. One epic all-day date where we went out for breakfast just the two of us and later went to the movies with my daughter. Then he came over for some "Netflix and chill" and pizza (you yhought I was exaggerating about the "all-day" thing). It was a nice day. There was a lot of kissing at the movies, some hand holding while we walked 

and a really nice kiss goodbye. He was a nice guy. My daughter liked him and he liked her. That night I went to bed with stars in my eyes. But the next morning the panic set in. The pros I have mentioned: nice guy, cute enough, likes my daughter and she likes him, good kisser.... 

Then my overthinking mind kicked in. He definitely liked me more than I liked him. He was 10 years younger than me and would eventually want kids. I do not want more children (or more specifically I do not want to be pregnant again). He was an outdoorsy hunter guy who dreamt of living in a cabin in the middle of the woods... Sounds beautiful for a night - maybe two.... but I am a city girl or at least one who likes civilization and coffee shops - oh and running water. So, I nipped that in the bud with a standard "it's not you, it's me" call. 

And it was the truth. I realized I just wasn't ready. Two failed relationships of nearly 8 years each left me very gun shy. I had this tendency to jump into relationships with both feet and this time if things didn't work out they wouldn't only affect me they would affect my daughter. So, back into my hermitty shell I went.

Maybe a year later I decided I was ready to put myself out there. So,I decided to give online dating a go. 

I installed many apps (not Tinder that is not what I am looking for). I tried them. Not really impressed. Call me romantic or old fashion, but there is something about the whole swipe left - swipe right thing that makes it feel like flipping through a catalogue. Very impersonal. And it's a numbers game. You have to put in the time to chat with your matches and weed out the creeps from the gems. I personally never found a gem. That might be because I didn't put in enough time. Maybe my expectations are too high... I found it exhausting - talking about myself is not my strong point and things can get awkward. Or maybe it's not about me? 

The guys I chatted with fell into 3 categories:

1) The "so, what are you wearing?" categorie: creeps? Maybe, but at least they are straight to the point about what they are looking for even if you selected "friendship - maybe more" as what you are looking for. This categorie also includes the "your place or mine?" guys who ask that within the first 3 messages.

2) Then there was the long game "your place or mine?" guys who will chat you up for a couple of conversations and seem nice enough and then once they feel they have invested enough time pop the question. Not asking you on an actual date, but wondering where you are going to hookup for what will likely be a one night stand. 

3) Is a special categorie - the sub seeking dom. To a single mom with a daughter who didn't listen to a thing I told her at the time this might be tempting. The words "I will do whatever you want you are the boss." sounded like an angel's chorus! Or at least I did for a hot minute. Then he said "You get to decide everything." Oh Hells no! I have to make all the decisions for my daughter and me, I do not want to have to make all the decisions for the man I am dating for. Now this guy wanted me to be his dom so bad that when I blocked him he made 2 other accounts (maybe he had them already) and tried to convince me to meet up with him.

Special mention for all the guys who messaged me from across Canada and even as far as Florida and Germany and wanted me to visit them. Yeah, let me think about that...so not happening!

A few years later (yes, years again) I had this flirty smile thing with this guy I crossed pathes with on the way to work almost every day. This flirty smile guy was *sigh* adorable. He looked like Wilmer Valderamma.... So, one morning he says "tu es très belle" (you are very pretty) as he passes me. To which I respond with a giggly "merci". (Yes, I am basically a 16 year old girl hanging out in a grown woman's body!) A couple more days pass, more smiling and then we exchange names. The next week he asks to have lunch with me. He wants to get to know me. So, what the Hell, I meet him for lunch. I mean wouldn't you say yes?

Lunch was great. He is originally from Cuba *sigh* and is in university and loves that I am older than him. (Yeah, very suave.) Then the bomb drops. He is married. Unhappily, apparently. They are going to separate. I want to say I told him to take a hike right there and then... but he was a really good kisser *sigh*... After one night of considering this I smacked myself back to my senses. I DON'T want to be this guy's chick on the side or the other woman. So, I told him WHEN he and his wife were actually through and  no longer living together then we could talk. Weeks passed before we ran into each other. He tried to convince me again. He wanted to try things with me and see how they went before he officially left his wife... Like I was a car to test drive! I promptly told him that wasn't how the world worked and that he should lose my number! So cute and yet....

So, what's a girl to do? Maybe being single isn't so bad afterall... For now anyway!😊